Sweetly Broken, Wholly Surrendered

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

I woke up this morning with a hangover of the raging emotions and thoughts on what I should have, could have done the night before.

Morning broke with a mighty display of nature's awesomeness. Lightning , heavy rains... At one point, I saw, right outside my window and right before my eyes a flash of the brilliant, brightest flash of lightning I ever gazed upon.

It captivated me both beautifully and struck a certain amount of fear in me at the same time. No, not the fear of being struck or caught in its path, but fear of the Lord. Like many a great prophet and apostle, all fell in fear and reverent awe before our God, I didn't fall to my knees but that moment I fell in surrender to Him.

Plans. Ideas. Intentions.

Not a strange word to any of us definitely, in fact, there probably isn't a single point in time where we can say that we have no plans. (Not referring to the "I got no plans for the weekend" kind). Among the basic needs of the human existence, plans, I believe rank among the top. Afterall, we're creatures of intellect. Plans keeps our otherwise mundane lives going right?

"I plan to score well in exams to advance futher" - lacking which we'll probably cruise through school which is pretty boring.

"I plan to make it to the school's soccer team (or improve my soccer skills)" - lacking which, we'll probably do usual kickabout stuff which, in this case, can get boring. (Just a generalisation here)

"I plan to accomplish so and so, just so I can advance further in my career." - lacking which there probably is nothing to look forward to at work except routine tasks.

I've had ideas, I've charted out plans, I've intended and probably put to action quite a few of them. Some succeeded, some failed..

In the aftermath of these plans, I've rejoiced, I've brooded over, I've been encouraged, I've been discouraged numerous times.

I chanced upon the titular verse on a website

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

I regained a new sense of confidence and strength, realising once again that at the core of it all, despite the victories and failures, it's God purpose for me that stands tall.

That made sense. I realised that the one thing I've missed most of the time in my own planning is the surrendering to God's purpose for me.

It made sense.

In my failures, He held me up.
In my victories, He rejoiced over me.
In my doubts, He prompted me.
In my doings, He gave me strength.

Everything made sense.

His plans and purpose for me were to give me plans that prosper me, plans that give me hope and a future.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11

During my reflection this morning, I was urged to put on Steven Chapman's I Will Be Here on my iPod. (Steven wrote this song to recount the hardships that his wife and him faced and how God brought them through). To me, this song came as a love letter from Jesus.

"Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear,
I will be here.

If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
‘Cause I will be here.

I will be here when you feel like being quiet;
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen.
And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying;
Through the winning, losing, and trying, we’ll be together,
‘Cause I will be here.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,
I will be here.

As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here."

This is the portion of the song that struck me the most. Recalling the popular "Footprints in the Sand", I was made aware again that Jesus was ALWAYS with me. In a very intimate and reassuring way, He reminded me that He knows my faults, failures, joys and pains. In fact, He shared those moments with me.

"I will be here"

"I WILL BE HERE"

 If I were to reconstruct my morning's reflection into a letter from God, it'll probably go like this:

Good morning child,

I am the Lord, God Almighty. With My hand I direct lightning bolts; with My hand I bring forth the heavy rains. Child,  I know your frustrations and hurts, I know the times you've failed and the times you've succeeded. I was there just as I am here right now. If ever you doubt, doubt not because I will be here.
Child, I want you to know that I have a purpose for you. I want you to know that I have a whole future waiting for you. I will never leave you because I love you.

"Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,
I will be here.

As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here."

So Lord, teach me, show me and guide me to surrender all of myself to You again. Take my plans, my thoughts, my ideas and break and bend them to Your purpose. I surrender wholly to You. For You are my hope, my past, my present and my future.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21